And scene.

I went to bed, just as I did the year before when the Penguins lost to the Bruins, with tears in my eyes and a an emptiness only felt when a relationship ends. Like many fans, I was not only glued to each game, but to stats, blogs, articles, and press conferences from October through this morning. The roller coaster ride has ended but I don't want to get off.

I sometimes feel silly for the emotional investment I put into sports, and none more than hockey. I've always been a girl who wanted to belong to something. In high school and college, it was traveling up and down the East Coast for music, although sports were always in there- I remember being so obsessed with the Cowboys and Broncos that I would tape Superbowls. What pre-teen does that? (this one). Somewhere along these last ten years, hockey took over and my love and commitment to it started to grow and grow.

My life is very different than I thought it would be. Two years ago, I lost two unborn sons, and I'm forever changed from it. Since then, hockey has been not only something to take my mind off of tragedy, but it's been a constant in my life that I know will be there for me. Oddly, it has helped fill a void. It's something that I can get excited about and share with others. Following the Penguins has allowed me to be a part of something special. I boast about it like I would a family. It's also something special I share with my nephew, a kid who I adore like he was my own. And although Mark's right when he jokes, "You're not on the team," my heart is there. When I (and others) question why I take it so seriously, the counselor in me knows the reason: I need it. So a loss for me might (will absolutely) sting a little more than a casual fan.

My favorite blog, if you haven't noticed my reposts/retweets, is What's Up, Ya Sieve? The ladies are witty and equally passionate about hockey, and their blog says everything I want to write on here but much better. I woke up feeling deflated and cranky, but this morning's entry reminded me that being a part of something and sharing that experience with others, whether it's actually in-the-flesh friends and family or  people you've never met but "get you" make the disappointment worth it. Will I be cranky today? Absolutely. But I'm already filled with hope for October.